


I Don't Kiss and Tell

by pie_n_classic_rock



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Coming Out, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Panic Attacks, Truth or Dare, panic disorder
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-23
Updated: 2013-08-03
Packaged: 2017-12-20 12:24:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/887253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pie_n_classic_rock/pseuds/pie_n_classic_rock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak are the two most popular kids at their high school. Dean, the star quarterback who throws huge late night parties, known for his one night stands. Castiel, the toned swimmer with a knack for guitar who manages to be outgoing and lacking in social skills at the same time. A simple game of truth or dare turns the two friends' worlds upside down and makes them learn things about the other they never would have otherwise seen under their shiny coats of popularity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dean stared down the opposing team from Free State High School, clad in green and silver uniforms. Rain was beating down, blurring out everything from sight except for the end zone behind a line of players. Lawrence High was down 20-21, and Dean had scored a touchdown. They needed two more points to win the last game of the season, and the only way to get that was to make a two-point conversion. Dean knew the success rate of a move like that was less than 50 percent, but he had to give it a shot. If Lawrence won this game, it would equal an undefeated season, the school's first in almost five years.

The only way Dean could get this to work is if he tricked the defense into thinking he was going for a field goal. That wouldn't be easy, since just about everyone knew he would need to make a two-pointer to win. Even so, he got in position for a kick at the 3-yard line, staring determinedly at the yellow goal posts. He psyched himself up, knowing he'd only accomplished an extra-point attempt like this once before, just narrowly avoiding being taken down by a player on the other team before crossing into the end zone.

Dean swooped down, grabbed the ball and ran. He zig-zagged through a group of linebackers who managed to all collide with each other, not knowing which way Dean was going. He jumped to avoid losing the ball and threw it at Ash, who returned it just in time for Dean to cross over the end line and throw the football to the muddy turf.

He took out his mouth guard and pumped his fist into the air, yelling, "Yeah!" then fell to his knees and brought his hand down to the ground in a punch that sent rivulets of mud flying onto his face. When he looked back up, he wore a cheek-splitting grin that was enhanced by the stadium lights, and reflected the joy and exhilaration coursing through his veins. He stood back up, letting out a whoop, and sprinted towards Jake and Ash, tackling them to the ground. "We won!"

Ash laughed, shoving Dean off of him. "Hell yeah, we did!" "Nice work, Winchester," Jake commended, standing up and lifting The two others with him and enveloping them into a crushing bear hug. "You full on pulled a Two Point Tupa, man! We gotta celebrate!" Dean smirked and slithered out of the lineman's grasp and ran to the middle of the team's huddling and loudly announced, "Party at my place in twenty! Bring your friends, girlfriends, drinks, whatever!"

Dean saw his brother waving at his from the bleachers, giving him a thumbs up with his other hand and grinning. "See ya at my place, guys," he said, pulling off his helmet while running towards Sam, his "little" brother, who happened to be three inches taller than him. "You were awesome out there, Dean! I think a pie is in order for your victory," he said, beaming with pride towards his brother. "I think I'll take you up on that, Sammy," returned Dean. "Okay, so I invited the guys over to celebrate and I said they could bring whoever. That's cool, right? I won't let 'em go down the hall if you've got homework or something." Sam just smiled. "Yeah, Dean, no problem. It's Friday, man, I still have the rest of the weekend to do my homework." "Alright, perf-" Dean felt a sharp poke to his sides, and he cut off with a yelp, whirling around and clutching his assaulted body. He came face to face with Castiel and his shit-eating grin. "Damn it, Cas! What's with you and showing up so unexpectedly?" Dean asked, trying to be manly about his surprised exclamation by shifting around and flipping his wet hair back from his forehead.

Cas smirked and poked Dean once again in the stomach, earning an annoyed shriek. They both had discovered long ago that Dean was very ticklish, and Castiel often used that fact against him. The two had been best friends since seventh grade when Cas had played Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) at the annual school talent show. Green Day had been Dean's favorite band at the time, and he was excited to have found someone else with the same appreciation for that kind of music. "I dunno, I'm sneaky. Deal with it," he replied easily, patting Dean on the back. "You were great on the field, dude."

Dean laughed, using Sam's large frame as a shield from Cas. "Thanks, man. I'm having a party at my place in a few if you wanna come over." Cas pondered the idea, then agreed and started walking over with the brothers. "So Cas, are you gonna try out for the school's water polo team?" Dean had watched enough of his water polo games and swim meets to know Castiel was a good swimmer. Personally, he wasn't a fan of watching a group of men in Speedos splashing around in water, but he was just doing the duty of a friend and cheering him on like Cas cheered him on at football games.

"I don't know, you think I should?" Cas asked dubiously. At that moment, Sam butted in with his opinion. "Hell yeah, you should! Dean's dragged me along to a few games, and you're really good, Cas! I mean, you got Dean to try out for the football team last year, right? And now he won the season for us!" Dean shoved Sam, but still grinned at the praise. "You should give it a shot, Cas. You never know." Castiel looked between the two brothers and gave them both fist bumps. "Maybe I will, then," he reasoned, starting to run towards the car. Cas turned around mid-run and yelled back, "Come on then, slowpokes! Let's paint the town red!"

Dean shook his head, saying, "Why do I get the feeling his parents put 5 Hour Energy in his milk when he was a kid?" Sam chuckled, replying, "Because they probably did." The two didn't bother running to catch up with Cas, instead letting him bounce excitedly near the Impala. Once the three were in the car (since Castiel didn't have a ride, living close enough to school to walk there and back) Dean turned up the radio as high as it would go, blasting Eye of the Tiger out the windows. Nothing could ruin his mood tonight, not even a little rain or almost skidding off of the slick road. Sam was clutching the door for dear life, despite being familiar with Dean's driving habits, while Cas was whooping from the back seat. "Live a little, Sam! Tonight, we make merry!" the black haired teen exclaimed. "I swear to God, he's high 24/7," Sam muttered, just barely loosening his grip on the door.

Once Dean pulled up in the driveway, there were already at least thirty people there. Their dad, John, was away for the whole weekend on some business related trip, and they had the house to themselves. Dean unlocked the door and barely avoided getting trampled as the mob of excited teens ran in. He, Sam, and Castiel all walked in, leaving the door ajar for whoever else came later. Dean turned on the radio and got out the "harmless" drinks in a cooler first, since all of them were legally underage. The drinks included cans of Coke and Sprite, and bottles of cream soda and sparkling apple cider.

Castiel took apple cider for himself, while Sam and Dean took Coke and cream soda, respectively. "So, uh, what exactly are we gonna do to celebrate?" Sam asked, looking around idly. He blushed as he caught the eye of a particular petite blonde who was heading over to the three of them with a wide smile gracing her face. "That was an awesome win, Dean!" she praised, punching his arm playfully. Dean nodded and grinned, but was watching Sam, who seemed like he was about to drool. He nudged his younger brother subtly so he would stop staring. "Hey, Jessica! What, uh, what are you doing here?" Sam stumbled, blushing. "Oh, Ava dragged me along with a few of the other cheerleaders," she replied, gesturing back to where her friends were talking and giggling. "I should get back. Have fun tonight, Dean. Bye, Sam." Jessica walked back over to her group, blushing slightly when she saw that Sam was still staring at her.

"Dude," Dean started with a laugh, "You're acting like a teenager with a crush." "I _am_ a teenager with a crush, Dean," Sam retorted. Dean whirled around and pointed an accusatory finger at his brother. "I knew it! You've totally got the hots for Jess!" "Since when are you close enough to her to call her Jess?" pouted Sam. "She's a cheerleader. There are parties, we talk. Nothin' more than that, Sammy, so don't get your panties in a bunch. How do you know her, though? She's a sophomore." "It's _Sam_ ," he glared. "And I have higher than freshman level math, remember? We have class together." Dean smirked and looked around at all the people in their house. "Well, to answer your earlier question, I have an idea for a way to pass the time," he said, scheming as he took a swig from his drink.

"And what would that be?" Cas asked, suddenly popping up in front of Dean, catching him off guard once again. "Damn it, Cas," Dean muttered, putting his bottle down on the counter and wiping his mouth of the cream soda that splashed him when he jumped. "What, were you trained to be a ninja as a kid or something?" he asked with feigned anger. "Anyways, you'll find out." Dean turned the volume on the radio down a bit so he could be heard, then loudly announced, "Anyone who wants to play Truth or Dare, follow me to the basement!" "Truth or Dare, Dean?" Sam asked doubtingly. "That's a game seventh grade girls play at sleepovers." "But THAT is where you're wrong, Sammy!" Cas interjected. Sam rolled his eyes in annoyance at the nickname, but didn't have time to complain. "See, this is _adult_ truth or dare. We get down and dirty. Don't bother trying to hide anything, 'cause I'll know," Castiel grinned. "If you're too chicken, you've got a chance to opt out right now. But once you're in, you're in," he added as a second thought.

"I'm not chicken," Sam said defensively. Dean smirked and gestured to the group that had gathered near them to follow. "We'll see about that." About half of the people chose to stay in the living room and talk, while the rest went into the basement with Dean, Sam, and Castiel. The group consisted of some of the football team and cheer-leading squad, and a few girls that were probably dating guys on the team. "Alright, so I'll go first if everyone's alright with that," Dean said, the others nodding. "Okay. Sam, truth or dare?" Sam narrowed his eyes, but said dare just to prove to Cas that he wasn't chicken.

"I dare you to kiss Jessica." Sam's face immediately heated up and he was about to protest, but he knew he would be teased if he didn't do it. Then again, Dean could probably keep the bullies away just by telling them to piss off, since he had this intimidating factor about him that everyone noticed, but Sam wasn't willing to take the risk. He didn't want to be called out as a wimp in his freshman year, after all. He glanced nervously at Jess who sat across from him the circle, and was slightly relieved to see the she was blushing as well. Sam slowly scooted into the center of the circle, and Jessica did the same. Sam gulped down his nerves and leaned forward slightly to cup the blonde's face. Then, slowly but surely, he closed his eyes and came forward to press their lips together, tilting his head slightly to avoid bumping their noses. Sam felt like he was in Heaven. Jessica's lips felt like silk, and he got so caught up in the moment that he couldn't hear the catcalls from around him. He pulled away after what seemed like an eternity, looking down with a small smile on his face.

Jessica started scooting back to her spot in the circle, blushing and giving Sam a smile while hiding her face slightly behind her hair. Sam couldn't stop the rush of thoughts from battering his brain once he sat back. The Jess he saw every day in class was bubbly and outgoing, but after the kiss she seemed shy and nervous. It was actually kinda cute on her. He didn't have long to think about it though, since it was his turn.

"Uh, Zach, truth or dare?" "Truth." "What is the most embarrassing song you have on your iPod?" Zachariah's face blanched because he knew he had some pretty questionable music on his device. "Um... I Want It That Way by The Backstreet Boys," he said nervously. A few of the guys stifled laughs behind their hands, and Zach blushed tomato red. "A-an old girlfriend made me get it for her!" he lied. The others seemed to believe it though, so he relaxed.

After that, it was hard to keep up with who was the most embarrassed. Ash ended up sitting in his boxers, pants flung to the other side of the room. Bela was asked who she would want to have a passionate affair with if she were gay, to which she said Meg, who teasingly kissed her cheek. Lisa and Michael were dared to switch clothes. Christian admitted that if he could have sex with any cartoon character, he would do it with Kim Possible. Gabriel was dared to go over to the Winchesters' neighbors, the Campbells, and ask for a tampon. When he got back, he held up the feminine product as if it was a trophy and then threw it at Ruby, who squealed and ducked her head to avoid being hit. Gabriel sat down and smirked, looking around the circle for his target.

"Dean! Truth or dare?" he asked with a mischievous glint in his eyes. Dean slowly replied, "Dare," as he was unsure what Gabriel could come up with. "Good choice. I dare you... to kiss my little bro on the lips for five seconds." Dean's head immediately whipped around to look at Castiel, who was sitting next to him and didn't seem the least bit phased by his brother's challenge. He heard Michael, Cas and Gabe's older brother, make a choking sound, while Sam just sent a worried look to Dean. "Dude, I don't swing that way!" he protested. "So?" Gabriel countered. "Only straight men can do gay things without questioning their sexuality, right Dean-o? Besides, a dare's a dare."

Dean gulped and looked hesitantly at Cas, whispering, "Are you okay with this? We don't have to if you don't want to." Dean felt weird just thinking about it. Kissing _Cas_. They were best friends, and Dean couldn't think of it being any other way. He didn't want a stupid dare to sabotage their friendship. Castiel, on the other hand, wasn't freaking out as much as Dean was. He was closet bisexual. No one knew except for the guys that he'd been with. Nobody else suspected anything since they'd only seen him with girls. Kissing another male wasn't an issue for him, especially since he'd lost his virginity to one, but he and Dean had been friends for years. He didn't want to lose that any more than Dean did.

"It's okay, Dean. It doesn't mean anything. Are _you_ okay with it?" Cas asked, tilting his head to the side. Dean looked lost for a second, but then nodded. "It doesn't mean anything," he reiterated, turning his body to face Castiel, who smiled reassuringly at him. Dean didn't really know what to do with his hands, since he felt like cupping Cas's face would be awkward. He decided finally to place them on his shoulders, but was at a loss trying to figure out what to do next. Cas rolled his eyes and leaned forward a little, encouraging Dean to hurry up already. Dean closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. _Fuck. I'm about to kiss my_ dude _best friend_ , he thought. Dean hesitantly leaned in, then pressed his lips to Castiel's.

The kiss wasn't what Dean thought it would be. Cas's perpetually chapped lips didn't feel that bad, and he tasted like pineapples and mint. He opened his eye that was facing the circle and saw multiple pairs of eyes staring intently at them, and immediately his nerves came back. He felt Castiel's hands come forward to rest just above his hips and Dean tensed a little at the contact. He pulled away a second later, blushing furiously and unable to meet Cas's eyes. Castiel could say he liked the kiss, but that would be awkward. He didn't even realize that his hands had moved. Dean's lush lips were soft, and Cas had to admit that he was a good kisser. He quickly drew his arms back when the other pulled away, trying to hide his embarrassment. And Cas didn't get embarrassed easily.

The rest of the game and party sped by. Dean couldn't really focus on anything, and he was barely able to nod and smile whenever he received congratulations. He didn't know why he was so distracted by the kiss. Like Cas said, it didn't mean anything. But Dean couldn't shake the feeling of Castiel's lips on his own and he didn't know what to do about it.

Almost everyone had left by 1 AM, and only Castiel was left with Sam and Dean. "So, I guess I'll see you guys on Monday. Peace out, Winchesters!" Cas said. He walked halfway down the driveway before turning around with a sheepish grin. "I, uh, I don't have a ride. My house is too far away from here to walk. Could I...?" Dean took a moment to register that he was asking for a drive home before quickly responding, "Uh, yeah, sure." He grabbed his car keys from the table and headed out to the car, getting in the driver's seat without saying a word to Castiel. The entire drive over to his house passed in silence, and Dean didn't bother getting out of the car to say goodbye.

Castiel was kind of put out by Dean's refusal to talk to him, but he supposed he understood why. He just hoped this wouldn't become a large issue between them. He quietly went up the stairs, knowing his parents were probably asleep, and went into his bedroom. Too tired to bother brushing his teeth, Cas stripped out of his clothes and fell face first onto the bed, falling asleep instantly.

Dean drove back home and mumbled something incoherent towards Sam before trudging down the hall and into his room. He brushed and changed methodically, like a robot, before lying restlessly beneath the covers. Sleep didn't come easily for him that night, and once it finally dragged him under, his last thought was of Castiel leaning in and pressing their lips together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know anything about football, so the information I used is all from Wikipedia. Please let me know if there's anything that doesnt make sense or should be changed! This chapter states that the game was the last of the season, and usually the final regular season game takes place in late October, so this game was on Friday, October 26th, 2012. Hopefully, that gives you a time frame for the story. :)


	2. Chapter 2

Dean woke up on Saturday to Sam shaking him roughly on his shoulder. "Dude," he said, "it's two in the afternoon. Get up!" Dean grumbled something unintelligible and sat up groggily. "Who cares if it's two? It's Saturday, Sam." The younger Winchester rolled his eyes and shoved Dean over so he could sit on the side of the bed. "There's obviously something bothering you, Dean." He paused for a moment, figuring out how to phrase what he was trying to ask. "Is it... what happened with Cas?" Sam ventured.

Dean shot Sam an angry look that confirmed the fourteen-year-old's thesis. "It's none of your business," he snapped. Sam put a reassuring hand on his brother's shoulder, but it didn't help much. "Dean, just tell me the problem. I won't judge you, you know that." Dean tried not to lash out, but there was still an annoyed tint to his voice. "It's nothing, Sam. Really, I'm fine." The classic Winchester 'I'm fine' that always meant the opposite. Sam knew that Dean was withholding from him, but he knew not to push his luck. He'd try again later, Sam decided, standing up and patting Dean on the shoulder and giving him a small smile before walking back to his room to complete his homework.

Dean hung his legs over the side of the bed and rested his elbows on his knees, cradling his head with his hands. He eventually got up and went through the motions; brushing his teeth, eating breakfast, watching TV. He also changed into his jeans from the previous night and an olive green henley since he planned to go out and get them some food for the weekend until their dad came back. Dean walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of beer from the back of the fridge. He knew he wasn't supposed to drink, but his dad wasn't home, and he supposed John wouldn't care anyways. Sam certainly didn't approve of it, but that didn't matter to Dean at the moment.

When Sam finally came out of his room after catching up with his work, he sat at the other end of the couch with Dean, pretending to pay attention to whatever show was on the screen. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the beer bottle in his brother's hand. He closed his eyes briefly and shook his head, wondering what got Dean in such a mood. "De—” he started, but was quickly cut off by Dean standing up and announcing, "I'm goin' to the store. You want anything other than bread and cereal?" Sam shook his head no, and tossed Dean his keys from the end table next to him.

Dean caught the keys easily and noticed how wary Sam was being of him. He really needed to be more subtle about his _feelings_. God, just thinking that made Dean feel like he was in some sort of cheesy rom-com. 'No chick-flick moments,' was basically his mantra, and last night didn't exactly help. He shook his head and walked outside, getting in the Impala. Loud music was his method for coping, so he turned up the radio to its maximum and rolled down his windows, not caring for the irritated looks that pedestrians and other drivers were giving him. He pulled into the driveway of Smart-'n-Final a few minutes later, grabbed a cart, and walked through the automatic doors.

Dean was used to shopping for himself and Sam. Their father wasn't around much, always away on business trips, and their mother, Mary, had died when Dean was four and Sam was barely half a year old. Because of their parents' absence, Dean was basically Sam's guardian, and he had been taking care of him for as long as Dean could remember. They took care of each other, really. Whenever John _was_ home, he often went out with his friends and got drunk to celebrate whatever new business deal they had made. He would come home late at night, almost falling over wasted, and pass out on the floor next to his bed. Then it was back to traveling for him, leaving the brothers on their own.

John hadn't been the same since Mary died. Believe it or not, he used to be a caring father. He would play with Sam and Dean for hours, the sound of his laughter filling the room. Dean smiled fondly at what few memories he had of when everything was okay and they were a happy family. Once Mary died, it was like John went with her. He drowned his emotions in gallons of alcohol. One could say he had a drinking problem, but it was really much worse than that. If John had had a bad day at work, he would get loaded up on alcohol which would amplify his anger. Taking it out on the boys wasn't common, but it had happened.

It really wasn't fair for Sam. Mary had died when he was just six months old. For him, it was basically like he had no parents. Dean was as close to a father as Sam had, with his mother being deceased and his father being absent all the time. At least Dean had been able to be with Mary. He was pretty sure Sam's only memory of her appearance was from pictures. Dean had told him stories he remembered from when he was young, and it always broke his heart to see Sam's tearful smiles at hearing memories of his mother. Dean would do anything to bring her back, even trade his father's life for Mary's.

Dean shook the bad memories out of his head and took out his wallet. In one pocket, he kept a photo of their family, the four of them, from years ago, just a few months after Sammy was born. They all looked so happy and carefree, it was hard for Dean to believe that that had been his family. Nostalgia washed over him like a wave on the ocean, but a voice from his left snapped him to attention as he quickly blinked back the tears that had begun to form.

"What a nice family," Castiel said. Dean's eyes had widened, partially in surprise, partially in disbelief. "What're you doing here?" he asked, pocketing the photo. Cas rolled his eyes and leaned against the closed refrigerator door in front of shelves of ice cream. "Oh, I dunno, hunting elephants." Dean scoffed and stepped back slightly, crossing his arms. "And how's that going for you?" Cas slightly extended his hand and tilted it side to side, as if to say, "so-so". "You look tired," Castiel observed, squinting his blue eyes slightly and tilting his head. Dean blinked once at the black haired teen's statement and shrugged. "So?"

Castiel was usually very good at perceiving things about others that no one else bothered to notice. He was very sympathetic, and people tended to like him easily. He even paid attention to the shy people and un-populars. Not many of the other societal teens bothered with people who they felt were beneath them. Dean didn't like being mean or putting down others, but he tended to falter when decisions came to making others happy or keeping up his social standing. Dean supposed Cas was like a philanthropist in that manner, minus the donating money part.

Cas opened up the fridge and grabbed a large tub of cookies and cream ice cream before looking at Dean. "Nothing. Just wanting to know if you're okay." "Why wouldn't I be?" Dean asked, looking away from his friend's eyes. "You know why." Castiel turned around and walked to the front of the store, getting in line at one of the cashier stations with his container of frozen goodness. Dean didn't look back up until Cas was out of sight, leaving him standing alone in an aisle of a dozen fridges of frozen food.

Dean quickly picked up a frozen pepperoni pizza, white bread, Cap'n Crunch cereal, and of course, apple pie. He paid at the cash register, Castiel long gone, before driving back to the Winchester residence. Sam was right where Dean had left him, sitting on the couch in front of the television, but now he was eating from a can of roasted peanuts. "How do you eat that shit, Sam?" he wondered, sitting back down next to his brother after pouring himself a bowl of cereal. Sam scowled at him before returning his attention to Mythbusters, fascinated with the team's attempt to shoot a bullet in a curved path. Dean laughed lightly and watched with Sam, the two of them eating and watching in silence.

\--

Cas rode his bike back home, first carefully placing the giant container of ice cream in the basket behind his seat. As soon as he walked through the front door, he was literally tackled by his brother Gabriel. Not too shabby of an attack either, seeing as to how Gabe was on the football team. The ice cream thunked out of his grip and slid across the wooden floor. Thankfully, the lid hadn't come off, and there was no mess.

Castiel slipped out of his brother's grip, slowly sitting up and rubbing his head, which had collided roughly with the floorboards. "Gabriel, what the hell?" Gabriel bounced up to feet with enough energy to fly through the roof. "So, Cassie, what's it like kissing someone with a dick?" Cas was confused at first, but then remembered that his brother didn't know about his bisexuality.

"I don't know, Gabe. Why don't you figure it out for yourself?" Cas was slightly pissed off at Gabriel for daring Dean to kiss him. He knew they were just friends, and now Dean was avoiding Cas. "Been there, done that. 0/10, would not recommend," Gabriel joked. Cas shot him a sideways, questioning glance. "Dean dared me!" he clarified defensively, adding, "So I dared him back."

Cas suddenly grabbed the collar of his brother's shirt and tugged him forward to snarl in his face. "So this was _revenge_? Are you fucking kidding me, Gabriel?! Dean and I have been friends for _6 years_! And you could have just ruined that with this stupid dare!" He pushed Gabriel away roughly, turning to head upstairs. "Sometimes, you don't use your mind, you know that? Maybe if you weren't such a dumbass, you wouldn't still be in high school!"

Castiel knew that he was overreacting, but as he stormed upstairs he found himself not caring. He just wished Gabriel would take things seriously for once. As he entered his room, he turned around and thunked his head against the closed door. He'd been harsh to his brother, Cas could admit that. _I should go back down and talk to him_ , he thought, but just as he reached for the doorknob, the door swung open and Castiel almost fell over.

This time it was Gabriel's time to be angry. He grabbed Castiel and shoved him into the wall next to the door frame. "You _know_ that my lack of brains isn't the reason I failed senior year. Don't you ever suggest it is." Gabriel was a year older than Dean and Cas, but he was in the same year as them because of an... incident that occurred the previous year.

"I know, Gabe. I'm sorry. I was just about to go down and apologize," Castiel explained. "I was just mad. You... You really shouldn't have made that dare." The two brothers stood facing each other, eyes downcast, expressions ever so slightly forlorn. "Cas, it was a joke. Come on, man, the guy I had to..." he shuddered, " _kiss_ was Jake. We both hated it." Gabriel laughed slightly. "I honestly don't know why we both went through with it. Dean probably would have called me a pussy for the rest of my existence if I didn't do it, though. I mean, that doesn't exactly matter, nobody cares, but I guess it's a pride thing." He stopped talking, realizing he was rambling, and sighed while running a hand through his slicked back hair.

"The point is, Jake and I are cool now. Have been ever since. We shrugged it off, like it never happened. So what I don't understand is why you're freaking out over it, Cas." Gabriel stared at his brother with raised eyebrows, wanting an explanation for his weird behavior. His eyes widened as he came to a conclusion. "Cassie... do you have the hots for Dean?" Gabriel was trying to force himself to not believe it, but he couldn't think of anything else to explain his behavior. His brother wasn't _gay_. He'd seen him kissing girls plenty of times. He did seem secretive when he came home late sometimes, but that had ended months ago. Still...

Castiel opened his mouth to make up some sort of excuse, but the words died in his throat at his brother's question. "No!" he said defensively, brows sinking low over his eyes as his face settled into a scowl. "I just don't want to have either of us feel weird for the rest of our friggin' lives, Gabe." Gabriel didn't actually think Cas was gay or bi, right? Castiel had made sure not to do anything with guys around school or in public. In addition to that, he hadn't even actually _been_ with a guy in months. No relationships, not even one-night stands. Every time Cas thought about being in a sexual relationship with another man, bad memories from his last one came up and he had to mess around with girls to repress them.

The older brother shifted on his feet and smirked. "Cas, you're a terrible liar, you know that?" he asked. "Come on, bro. You can tell me. I'm trustable, right?" Gabriel pulled his most pouty, pleading look, complete with puppy eyes and wavering lower lip. For a fleeting moment, Castiel thought about coming out to Gabriel, but he decided it would be better not to. First of all, he didnt know his much he could trust his brother with such a big secret. The guy was always pulling pranks and annoying people, he could probably slip up. Also, he would try to connect Cas's bisexuality with his worrying about his friendship with Dean and do anything in his power to get the two together. Castiel almost snorted at the thought. Dean was as straight as a ruler. Even so, they were seriously just friends.

Cas felt like there was a tiny sword prodding at his brain, telling him to think about his feelings about Dean, but he just pushed the thoughts away. He refused to give into whatever messed up part of his brain was telling him there was something bigger underlying, because there _wasn't_. "Gabriel, I don't like Dean that way. I'm straight, you asshat." Castiel found it pretty easy to lie, since practically everyone else already assumed this. It's not that he was ashamed of his sexuality, he just felt like life would be less complicated if nobody knew. He didn't know if his past hook-ups could be trusted to keep his secret, but Cas was pretty damn sure everybody else was oblivious.

Suddenly, images came flooding into Gabriel's mind. He saw his brother and some one else he didn't recognize standing just inside the boy's bathroom. _Cas looked around himself warily, then pressed a chaste kiss to the other_ boy's _lips, pulling back just as quickly. He then washed his hand and briskly walked out of the restroom, looking as normal as could be. Gabriel happened to walk past just at the moment of the kiss, and he darted around to the side of the building to watch Castiel walk away, cheeks ever so slightly flushed._

Gabriel seemed to have blocked those particular images out of his head, probably because it happened so quickly that he convinced himself that he was hallucinating. He didn't want to believe his little brother was gay, not because he was homophobic, but because it made everything Gabe knew about Castiel seem like a lie. "Holy shit..." he muttered, incredulous as the puzzle pieces fell into place.

The younger brother tensed at what Gabriel said and dared to ask, "...What?" Gabe snapped back to attention and took a few steps forward. "Cas. Last year, mid-May or so, in the boy's bathroom. Did you kiss a guy or not?" Castiel froze, memories of that small kiss rushing back to him. How did Gabriel see that? It was between classes, in a bathroom at the back of the school. He mentally cursed himself for dropping his defenses on school premises.

"I- I have no idea what you're t-talking about, Gabriel," Castiel said, wincing internally as he stuttered. He would have run into his room and locked the door to keep his brother away, but they were both already standing in Cas's room, and running anywhere else wouldn't help him; Gabriel could always get in. He was trapped.

Gabriel smiled slightly and put a hand on his brother's shoulder. "It's okay, Cas. I don't care if you're gay." Castiel felt a tightening in his stomach and felt sweat on his neck. "I'm not gay, Gabriel!" "Okay, bi, then?" Cas's hands were cold, and he pushed Gabriel out the door. "G-go away. I need to be alone." When Gabriel didn't move, Castiel scowled, yelling, "Leave!" and slamming the door in his brother's face.

Castiel stumbled dizzily toward his bed and sat down, feeling his chest constrict and his heart pound. He hadn't had a panic attack in a long time, and this one was worse than usual. He needed someone's help, but he didn't want to ask his brother. With trembling fingers, he pulled his phone out of his back pocket and dialed Dean's number. He was gasping in turn with the rings, praying for Dean to answer.

Finally, the ringing stopped and Dean asked, "Cas?" Castiel could hear the relectance in his friend's voice, but was so greatful he had picked up. "D-Dean! I'm having a p-panic attack. Help m-me, please, come over right now!" Cas pleaded. Dean was silent on the line for a moment before Castiel heard the jingle of keys. "I'll be right over. Okay, Cas? Sit tight, you'll be okay. Stay with me, alright? I'm not hanging up." Castiel nodded, even though Dean couldn't see him. He grunted out a response before doubling over in nausea. He ran into his bathroom, phone still pressed to his ear, and hurled into the toilet. He felt bad for having Dean hear that, but he'd have to deal with it.

The roar of the Impala's engine rang in Cas's ear as he washed his mouth. He wanted to pop in a stick of gum, but he was worried he'd choke on it. "Cas, are you alright?" Dean asked, voice worried. "Just p-peachy, Dean," he said sarcastically. "Hurry up, would you?" "Goin' as fast as I can, buddy," Dean responded, slightly irritated. Castiel stumbled back to his bed before remembering something. "Don't c-come in through the front door! T-t-there's a ladder around the right side to m-my window. Come in through t-that!" The last thing Castiel wanted was for Dean to show up at his door only to have Gabriel greet him and cause some sort of trouble.

Dean didn't know why Cas didn't want him to enter to the front, but he decided it would be better if he listened. He drove above the speed limit, but he had to slow down a bit since it was rush hour. How convenient. Luckily, the two lived rather close by, and Dean got to his house in little over five minutes. He put his car in park along the curb and ran out to the side of the house, climbing up the ladder. When he got to the top, he knocked on the locked window urgently.

Castiel sighed in relief and walked briskly over to the window, unlatching it and pushing it open quickly. Dean reached his hand out for help to climb in, and Cas grasped his wrists and pulled. Once Dean was standing inside, Castiel fell back onto his bed and inhaled sharply. Dean had never been in an experience like this before, and he didn't exactly know what to do. He sat down on the bed next to Castiel, but not too close so as to keep from crowding him.

"Cas, can you tell me what's wrong?" Dean asked hesitantly. Castiel's breath quickened at his question, and he quickly changed topics. He forced himself to stay calm, because two worked up people were not going to result in anything good. "Alright, just breathe, Cas. In through your nose, out through your mouth, like you're blowing a balloon." Dean did the actions to show Castiel, looking at him intently. Castiel mimicked Dean and closed his eyes, his breathing slowing down, but his heart still pumping fast.

Dean noticed Cas was sweating profusely and looked around for any sort of thin cloth to wet and use to cool Castiel down. "Do you have any cloth I can use to cool you down?" he asked. Cas shook his head; all of his washcloths were in the washing machine, and he knew Dean wouldn't walk out of the room to get one from his brother's room. Dean bit his lip and paced around the room. He needed something to lower Castiel's temperature, otherwise he might faint.

Dean decided to pull off his t-shirt and ran it under cold water in Cas's bathroom, then brought it back and pressed it to the back of his friend's neck. He felt a bit awkward sitting next to Cas with his chest bare. Of course, he'd seen it before from all the times Dean had ripped his jersey off after football games, but it was still weird after the previous night. He pushed those thoughts out of his head though, and focused on helping Cas.

"How do you feel?" Dean asked, hoping Cas wasn't panicking anymore. Castiel gulped and turned to face Dean. "I-I think I'm okay now." His breathing had slowed and he wasn't sweating as much, but Dean left the wet cloth on his neck. "Do you, um, have any meds you're supposed to take?" Castiel shook his head no. His panic attacks were few and far between, and he was never prescribed any medication.

"I'm okay now, Dean. Thanks for coming over so quickly," Castiel said appreciatively. He took the t-shirt off of his neck and took it with him to the bathroom connected to his room. He ran it under the tap in lukewarm water to get the sweat out, then twisted it to ring out as much water as he could. He walked back into his room holding the still damp shirt and frowning. "I'll be right back," he said, walking out into the hall and into his parents's bathroom. He grabbed his mother's hairdryer and plugged it into the wall, turning the device on to the highest heat. He waved it in front of the shirt for a few minutes, then went back into his room and tossed the shirt at Dean.

"Sorry, I tried to dry it as much as I could," Castiel apologized with a shrug, trying to act like his usual, confident self. Dean gratefully tugged the wrinkled shirt over his head, feeling self-conscious and exposed. He stared warily at Cas, unsure if his friend was stable or not. He seemed well enough, so Dean stood up and headed towards the open window. "So, um, if you're alright, I guess I'll leave?" he asked more than said. Castiel nodded and said once again, "Thanks for coming over."

Dean smiled and replied, "No problem. Call or text if you need anything, I guess." He wanted to ask what had caused Castiel's attack, but he didn't know if it was appropriate to ask, since it might have been a touchy subject. He settled for climbing out of the window and driving back to his house. He realized he felt bad about leaving, because he supposed people having panic attacks weren't supposed to be left alone. He should have stayed longer to make sure Cas was really okay, but it was too late now and would be awkward to go back.

When Dean got home, only half an hour had passed since he got Castiel's call and went to his house. It was only about 6:45 in the evening, and Dean didn't know what to do with his time. He decided to work on his chemistry homework, but he gave up after a while of head scratching and pencil biting to no avail. Science and math really weren't his forte. He ate dinner and watched television until he fell asleep on the couch, and luckily his sleep wasn't as restless as the night before.

\--

Castiel remained sitting on his bed after Dean left. He felt drained of his energy after his panic attack, and decided it would be best to sleep it off. He hadn't eaten since noon, and he felt hungry, but he was too lazy to do anything about it. He laid on the bed his side in a fetal position and pulled the covers up around him, drifting off into a dreamless sleep. 


End file.
